When I think of harmony I picture a nicely postured orchestra or a string of sisters trying to sing in unison. The harmony in my heart is something like that; a collection of music and thoughts, some high, some low, some right in the middle somewhere.
Practicing harmony in my life is important. Togetherness. Likemindedness. Plain ole’ getting along. The harmony begins there. Peacefulness and comfort follow when harmony is being exercised. There is so much to learn from this exacting quiet.
Much of my grieving takes place alone while in the brightness of the day. Sitting eating lunch by myself, walking from room to room while Brian is at work, or writing in my daily journal. Harmony. Peacefulness. I find that the days I feel the most peaceful are the days where I do two things: stick to a routine and connect with someone special. And by routine I mean a list. I have a record keeping style that incorporates almost every action I take. A blank calendar for June is posted in my laundry room. This is where I list how many times I have worked out. (Three so far!) One of those encouraging pocket yearly calendars keeps track of my flossing schedule (I’m so terrible at this one), yep that one is tucked in the top drawer in my bathroom. The dry erase week-at-a-glance states what’s for dinner.
My Weight Watchers app is updated with every meal. Finally, the free note pads from past donations–that’s the mighty list that sits on the counter. This is where I record what I’m doing, when, throughout the day. For example, today’s working list includes:
- Devotional reading and journaling
- Watered backyard
- Wrote blog
- Made the bed
- Meditation and prayer
I’m not concerned with verb tense or syntax and instead quickly write whatever has just happened. I love a list and always have. The fact that I am listing again, shows that I am living. This may sound oh so anal retentive, but it brings me shelter and peace. I know I am accomplishing and caring; actions and feelings that used to help define me. There is comfort in routine.
The second way I bring myself harmony is through connecting. It’s critical that these interactions be with people I consider special in my life. I am very choosy these days and turn down offers with so-so people. I can’t have them around me right now. I need friends who know me well and are unafraid to be with me. Maybe when I am emotionally stronger I can return to the casual camaraderies/friendships I once had, but I don’t know that I will. I am however, fortunate to have a network of friends and family who reach out to me and who respond to me, when I reach out to them. Having lunch with a girlfriend at BJ’s is not life-changing, nor is taking my cousin to pick up her car at the body shop. But, both of these connections give me the opportunity to be there for someone else I care about, to feel useful and to be present. It’s easy to hide. It’s easy to be alone. To be present for someone, now that’s difficult and takes effort.
Harmony starts within us and grows amongst us and I want to be a part of something this positive. It doesn’t happen everyday and that is truly okay. I am working at building more and more of these harmonious days into my monthly calendar.