I have been doing everything besides doing what I should be doing. I got my hair done, my nails done, went on a quick trip to Temecula…all things fun during Spring Break…:)
Finally, after enough indulging was had, I went to my M.D. to complain. After my bid of trying to make her laugh with, ‘well, I’m fat’ and ‘this mole has a halo’, I relaxed and confided in her. The real reason for the visit was to lay out my complicated reproductive past and to ask for help.
I want to see a fertility specialist.
I see, you mean an infertility specialist?
Uh, sure. I frowned.
Once referred and walking back to my car, I was annoyed. Why does the medical community insist on branding? When my Kaiser Medical History prints out for the taking, I always loathe the ailments listed: obesity, human papilloma virus, depression, history of club foot… It’s this annoying reminder of everything I have struggled with and everything I may continue to struggle with. (The HPV finally left my body after 6 friggin years, yet it remains listed there).
So, why the “in”fertility correction? I don’t have an issue with being fertile. I’m the most fertile person I know! My four losses are not connected–other than that they are related to me:
June 2011: early term miscarriage, 10 weeks
May 2015: ectopic pregnancy, 7 weeks; left fallopian tube removed via surgery
Feb 2016: my son was born with a rare birth defect, 1:35,000; he passed away after only 2 months
Dec 2016: chemical pregnancy, miscarried at 5 weeks
The past two years can bite my ass. Seriously.
Once I saw Spring hopping along, I started to feel hope, again. Consulting professionals is one way I am trying to follow my heart. Expanding my family is a deep desire of mine.
This week I told Miss Specialist that I needed a guide; someone who could lead the way. I explained my past and started crying. I want a living child. She listened sympathetically and told me what she thought. Kaiser is going to treat me “as if” I am infertile because that is how they can help. Though this is not exactly my issue, I am grateful for a next step. I did some blood work 2 days ago and am scheduled for an HSG, hysterosalpingogram. Basically, an HSG is an x-ray of the uterus and fallopian tubes. Miss Specialist said this would give her more information and at the very least, serve as a nice cleanse. Sounds alright to me. Sounds like a path I can take, with hope.
Is this confronting options? Is this accepting a plan? I’m not completely sure, but it looks like fertility (THAT is what I’m calling it) is going to be my new hobby.